What do I start with? My visit to my Neurologist first? The call I got from my Gastro doctor with test results that should have taken four days to get that only took one day? My mini-breakdown? How about I give all of it to you at once so you possibly feel a bit of what I felt today?

My Neurologist who knows me for about five years now knew right away that something was wrong. He is very concerned about the low Potassium level because when you have Myasthenia Gravis, you need to have an above average level to keep the symptoms of MG at bay. When he heard that my last Pulmonary Function Test was worse than the last years and I was told to not return for another one for two years instead of being evaluated again in at least six months, he was angry.

I am to call him two weeks after I start the new form of Potassium that my Gastro doctor ordered, if my level is at least 4.0 and I’m still having symptoms. He requested the results of my PFT to take a look at them. He’s also going to be in touch with my primary doctor. That visit shook me and Hubby up pretty badly because I’ve been doing so well for a while now.

When we arrive home, I get a phone call from my Gastro doctor’s office telling me that the CT scan result were in. I knew right then that there was a problem. First I was told that there was a cyst on my ovary and a fibroid tumor. I know that these are pretty common. I go for my Pap test next Friday so those records were sent to my PCP. Next comes the scary part. I was then told I have to have another test done, something called a small bowel series. When I asked why, the nurse said that was all she was told. I know my Gastro doctor and he tells me everything. I asked what this test was and was given an evasive answer that it was a type of an ultrasound.

I called the hospital to get more details. The person who answered said that she wasn’t sure of what it was because they hardly do them. But I had to fast from midnight the night before. (I already knew that.) When I asked if I had to drink anything, she told me to hold on. I heard her asking someone and then she said that I might have to drink some Barium. You know I’ll be researching this.

After the phone call I just cried. I feel so overwhelmed. I’m even leaving out some of what happened just today. I’m sick of dealing with doctors, labs, hospitals. I’m sick of not knowing what’s wrong with me. I’m sick of taking medicine. I’m sick of being sick. This whole thing is a job in itself, juggling appointments, being sure I have my medicine, calling doctors offices, dealing with insurance companies, etc…….I’m at the breaking point.

I know there are so many people worse off than me. I get that. I know I can pray and leave all of my worries and anger with God. I know that worrying isn’t going to make it better. I know, I know, I know. But damn it. I just want to live a life where I can be a wife, mom, daughter, witness of God’s love. I want to eat and drink what want. I don’t want to fill up medicine containers, worry if my refills are ready on time………………….

Selfish, right? I am now. And you know what? I’m not even sorry.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 21st, 2008 at 11:34 pm and is filed under Health is a State of Mind, My Zany Family. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments. You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site. Your comments will appear immediately, but I reserve the right to delete innapropriate comments. If you would like more information about my posts please view my Privacy Policy .